Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Don't mind the crying lady.

I've heard the funniest joke, I can't wait to tell it to you. Are you ready?

It's any time anyone tells me to  "Sleep when the baby sleeps."

HA HA HA. Hilarious, right?

I've hit a critical mass of sleep deprivation. Here's what my week has looked like so far (and it's only Tuesday. Who knows what awaits the rest of the week?):
*Story has only worn pajamas, day and night.
*I ate cereal for breakfast AND dinner yesterday.
*I randomly started crying at Collin's preschool and I had NO IDEA WHY. I was not sad. The tears just literally leaked out my eyes, almost on their own.

I'm really feeling it now, this life with two kids thing. I get it. It's real, and it's gritty, and it's hard. But you know what else? I'm so loving having two. Really, I mean it. This is my dream, having children, and I'm living it. At night, I look at them sleeping peacefully, and I'm overcome with love and gratitude. These are my children, both of them.

Now, I'm going to bed.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Feeling like a hippie, and other news.

Two days ago, I was watching Babe with Collin, and I saw the part in the beginning, where Babe is a tiny piglet with his piglet siblings and his big, fat mama. Then, the farmer comes and takes her away with a cattle prod, and Babe cries for her while his siblings are fed their piggy milk from a machine.

"I'm going to be a vegetarian." I blurted out.

Husband looked up at me, surprised, but not really. He's seen this coming. I had been talking about it, wrestling with it, for a little while now. I was vegan (and raw, thank you very much) when I became pregnant with Collin, and I stopped immediately when a midwife told me I had a better chance of my baby getting enough protein as a burger king mom then as a vegan mom. We left her office, and I ordered a turkey burger. And I'm glad for all my choices, but I've always wanted to go back to my old ways. I've always planned on it, really.

So, I'm vegetarian, on top of being already gluten free and low sugar. In my tarot deck, I pulled a card this morning that said I was entering a period of transformation, a season of giving and/or receiving, a time of refilling my cup. That all made a lot more sense at Story's doctor appointment today, as her pediatrician told me the source of her terrible gastro upset was probably not acid reflux, but likely a food allergy. She told me to cut out all dairy and soy for two weeks, and see if Story feels better. I had already cut out all dairy but cheese, because hello, cheese is amazing. But now, it seems, I am gluten free, vegan, soy free, and low sugar. I really do belong in Santa Cruz now. The funny part about all this, is how normal I felt at the natural foods grocery store as I spent about two hours reading every ingredient on the back of every package of food I hoped to eat.  Just another day, in Santa Cruz. I imagined how hard this diet would be, if I lived just about anywhere else. My new diet transformation has revived my gluten and sugar boycott, because let's face it, brownies saved my life postpartum. So, I'm reclaiming my health, and (hopefully) giving relief to my child.

In other news, Mike goes back to work next week, and I'm actually not hyperventilating into a paper bag. I'm  feeling boldly optimistic and just the tiniest bit excited. I feel ready. I think we're all ready. I feel readier than I did the last time Husband went back to work after we had a baby. How lucky we are that we had so much time to feel so ready. Collin has settled down SIGNIFICANTLY, which makes this feel doable. I feel like I have my son back, and it's a good feeling.

So yes, tarot deck, it is a time to start anew.