Saturday, November 2, 2013

Late night musings.

It's one of those nights where it's so quiet,  I can hear the ocean from bed. Collin is asleep in his monkey suit, with his top half on my bed and his bottom half on his bed. This is not an unusual sleeping arrangement for him.  I told him to sleep in his own bed, but he inched over to mine, and with the cold he's fighting,  I decided to let it slide. There is always wiggle room, especially when a rotten stuffy nose is involved. Today, Collin woke from his nap, rubbed furiously at his eyes, and sighed, "I'm just so, so sick."

Halloween was the happiest night of our lives. Collin was absolutely ecstatic, we trick-or-treated as a skeleton family. We all held hands, a chain of bones.  I felt like a kid again. I wanted to talk to my brother, who used to live the thrill of trick-or-treating with me every year of my childhood. One day soon, Collin will have a sister to live the magic of Halloween with. It's so weird that I'm going to have two children. That notion has been particularly stuck on me today. We're going to have two children. I'm so happy about it, this is what I've always wanted. A family. A happy family. A family, with two parents who love each other. I feel like that is one of the greatest gifts I can give my children, coming from a family of divorce, myself. Don't get me wrong, divorce was probably the best thing that could have happened to my parents. But, when it's all said and done,  I feel so grateful for the love that I have. I feel so grateful that my husband is my soul mate, my children will never know the pain of watching us fight and hate each other. They will never feel like they need to pick their loyalties. I may be over-sharing, here.

My daughter is still safely tucked away in my womb, but I feel her presence all day long. I'm communicating with her.  She reminds me of her existence with her squirms and kicks. My belly is growing bigger and bigger, and I marvel at it all.  I think about what this felt like the first time around, with Collin. It's the same, but different. I'm different. My circumstances are different. Everything is different. 

No comments:

Post a Comment